Surviving Caffeine Withdrawal

I’m back from The Cleveland Clinic and I have no real answers to speak of.  I’m going to bite my tongue and not give my final opinion just yet, but let’s just say I was less than impressed.  The staff was nice, but that’s as far as I’m going right now.

One of the things that the Dr was adamant about was that I give up caffeine.  Are you kidding me!!!!!   Give up caffeine?  Why don’t you just cut off a leg or an arm.  Alright alright, I realize that in the grand scheme of things, giving up caffeine is a drop in the bucket, but you are forgetting one very important thing in all of this.  Caffeine withdrawal.   I have been a migraine sufferer for years and taking away my caffeine with no warning is much like getting hot fire pokers in the eyes.  Yeah, it’s painful.  Throw some screaming children into the mix and it’s like pouring battery acid on an open wound.  Yeah, it’s REALLY painful.   The Dr also took away my right to eat any and all dairy products.  So now, I cannot even drown my sorrows in a bowl of ice cream.   And as a side note, trying to find products without dairy in them is like a where’s Waldo mystery.  Seriously, my Morning Star Farms veggie bacon has milk in it.  Um, **scratches head**, really?  But I’ll get to the vile tasting products I’ve encountered later, back to the no caffeine.

When I was going through in-vitro, I cut myself off caffeine.  I was one of those neurotic Nelly’s that wasn’t taking anything while pregnant, not even Tylenol.  Having been through caffeine withdrawal twice, I knew that when this Dr said no caffeine, I was going to want to die.  It’s been 4 days now and I still have the mother of all migraines.  Did I mention he also took away my ability to take Motrin and Excedrin?  ***sobs heard round the world***  LOL   Now I don’t know what this Dr. thinks is going to be accomplished with such foolishness, but I’ve tried everything else under the sun to get my stomach distention fixed, so I’m willing to try this.  If it works, he can give me a big I told you so.   In the meantime, I need to function.  How do I that?  No really, how do I do that?   Oh you thought this blog was going to be me telling you there was some miracle way to get through caffeine withdrawal.  My bad.  ; )

Booze, not it.  I have to be a responsible parent.  Besides, the amount of alcohol it would take to get rid of this migraine would only create a new migraine in the morning.  Next

A hot shower.  Tried it.  Next

Chocolate.  Nope can’t have that.  It has caffeine and dairy.  So I tried to make vegan Nutella because I saw some recipe on Pinterest and thought it was going to be my savior.  Not even.  Let this be a lesson to you that there is no such thing as vegan Nutella.   I should have known after the black bean brownie debacle.  Equally nauseating.

Tea.  Ok, that’s like telling someone to eat a banana when they want an apple.  Just because tea and coffee happen to be two hot liquids, doesn’t mean they are on the same planet.  While I drank coffee for the caffeine, I happened to like the taste.   So until you can turn that tea into coffee, I don’t want it.

Migraine meds.  Tried them all.  Ok, maybe not them all, but some.  So far, none have worked.  Most recently my Dr had me on Topamax aka dopamax.   That rendered me a drooling mess.  Literally, I think I drooled a few times on it.  Not to mention I couldn’t spell simple words like bicycle and I couldn’t remember my daughter’s name.  Let’s not even talk about the tingling sensation you get while on it.

So, all you home remedy geniuses and the I’ve got the cure for sure people, give it your best shot.   Tell me how you rid yourself of migraines.   If it works, you get a gold star.  You thought I was going to say a prize?  I don’t have sponsors for my blog or any advertisements.  Check back in 6 months.  Maybe this blog will have blown up by then and you can be the person credited with getting rid of my migraine.  Sound better?  LOL