Category Archives: Uncategorized

My husband is donating a kidney.

I haven’t blogged in a looooooong time.   Primarily because it’s so hard for me to write a recipe down and life always gets in the way.   I spend most of my days on Facebook, singing, still doing loads of cooking, etc.

I’m going to make a long story very short.  My husband is donating a kidney.   The hospital covered everything with the exception of travel, copays we may have when Jim is released from the hospital, our expenses while we are in NY.  We live in MI and the surgery is in NY.   My short story is getting long.  Anyway, I created a fundraising page on behalf of my husband.   It’s not spam, it’s not fake, it’s not a joke, it’s not me looking to get a boatload of Starbucks and pretend my husband is donating a kidney, none of that.  I will take pictures of his scar.  We were notified yesterday that he’s a match.  We booked our airline flights and I took to posting on Facebook.  Apparently someone had a problem with that, complained and all of my links to my GoFundMe page were subsequently removed.   You don’t want to donate, fine.  You don’t want to read or click on the link, that’s fine too.  I see stuff on Facebook every day that’s insanity, but I ignore it and go on with my day.   There is nothing “abusive” about me asking for money so that my husband can donate a KIDNEY!!!!!   So, I’m posting the link here because this is MY blog.

http://www.gofundme.com/py2dek4k

That’s the link to my site.   Please please please read my husbands story as to why he is choosing to donate this kidney, where the money will go, and what we will do with excess funds we don’t use.  We aren’t pocketing money here and I’m not looking to make money.  I’m just looking to be able to get my husband and myself (because I’m not sending my husband by himself do donate a kidney!) to NY, sleep, and eat.  The end.

I appreciate everyone who shared and donated thus far.   We are truly grateful.   Thank you

Sh*T Toddlers Say

I don’t know who started all these shit people say videos, but I find them hysterical.  Well, I find most of them hysterical.   I’m sure a shit toddlers say video exists, but I’m sitting here listening to my three children thinking, OMG, where did they even hear that to be able to repeat it?  LOL   What makes their convos so funny is that they are out of the blue and random.   I should just get my video camera out and record them because seeing is believing, but until then, I will give you this lovely list of shit toddlers say.  And trust me, if you just had a baby or are thinking about having a baby, your kid WILL say probably 95% of these things at some point.

1.  I want that!

2.  I don’t want that!

3.  Not that one!

4.  I want a different one!

5.  Not those socks!

6.  Can I have another cracker?

7.  Not that cracker, I want a BIG cracker!!

8.  I can do it by myself!

9.  I can’t do it!

10.  No!

11.  Look at me!

12.  Don’t Talk!

13.  Again!

14.  Fart

15.  Poop

16.  Penis

17.  Vagina

18.  Butt

19.  I have little boobies, you have big boobies.

20.  I’m naked!

21.  Look at my belly.

22.  I don’t want to wear pants!

23.  Where’s my tutu?

24.  Where’s my hat?

25.  Where are my blocks?

26.  Get me my dolly, it’s in the bedroom.

27.  I’m thirsty!

28.  Take this!

29.  I’m going shopping.

30.  I’m done!

31.  I’m not a baby!

32.  I’m a baby!

33.  I don’t want to go to sleep!

34.  I want to sleep in the big bed!

35.  Not like that, like this.

36.  YUCK!

37.  YUM!

38.  I want cookies for breakfast.

39.  Leave me alone!

40.  What’s that?

41.  What are you doing?

42.  I want to talk to Tom (or Larry).

43.  It’s broken!

44.  Fix it!

45.  I didn’t do it.

46.  I’m stuck.

47.  I want a different fork

48.  Not that sippy cup.

49.  I have a booger.

50.  One, Two, Three, Nine, Three, Three, Ten.  I counted to ten.

51.  Wipe my hands

52.  I have a boo boo

53.  Don’t sit there!

54.  I did it!

55.  I want a snack!

56.  I’m a pirate.

57.  I want to be a chef.

58.  I’m wet.

59.  I spilled.

60.  Mommy needs coffee.

61.  MOM!!!!!!

62.  Dad said so.

63.  You eat it!

64.  I’m full..what’s for dessert?

65.  Get it!

66.  Leave it!

67.  Don’t touch it!

The list could go on and on.

 

I had to edit this to add MINE!!  How could I even forget to put MINE on this list?  LMAO

Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.  Really?  Bullshit!  Bacon, tastes AWESOME!!  Nutella, that tastes pretty damn good too.   A nice bowl of homemade 5 cheese (at least) mac & cheese, come on!  A piece of challah with a schmear of chopped liver, YUM.  Ok, I realize that I may have lost some of you with that last one, but let’s be real.   Food tastes good.  We are a nation obsessed with weight.  Obesity rates are at all time highs across the board and getting skinny has now become a huge (no pun intended) business.

Everywhere I look there are advertisements for this new magic diet pill or this new shake…just do this workout for 15 minutes a day and you will have flat abs…wear this body wrap and it will take inches off…buy into my “vitamins” and cleanse your body of toxins…eat this, don’t eat that, do this, don’t do that.  Can we all just call shenanigans already and agree that there are no magic pills, no magic workouts, no magic clothing, not even magic surgeries that can make people thin?  Can we also agree that you CAN eat real food and still be thin and that food tastes great?  One does not need to drink 2 shakes, take 15 supplements, eat tree bark and beans for the one and only meal of the day to be thin.  Oh sure, you may lose weight, but I guarantee you will gain it all back and then some.  Can I charge $19.95 for that guarantee I just gave?

I have been on every fad diet on the planet.   I dieted for more than 10 years before ultimately having weight loss surgery.  Let me tell you something, that’s no walk in the park or magic fix either.  Like anything else in life, it takes hard work and dedication to make it work.  I will admit that I had that surgery, not to be healthier in life, but because I wanted to be skinny.  Society, friends, family…they had all burned into my brain that I was nothing unless I was skinny.     When the Dr asked me what I wanted to weigh when all said and done, I blurted out 120 pounds.  He laughed because every woman whom he asked that question all answered with the same 120 pounds.   Apparently that’s the skinny number.   If you weigh more than 120 pounds as a woman, I guess you’re fat.  COME ON!!  That’s crazy.  Yet here I sit thinking to myself, got to weigh 120 pounds.  Again, crazy.

For about 2 seconds I made it to 119 pounds.  Let me tell you all something.  Life, it feels better than being skinny does and frankly it tastes better too.   I am by no means fat at this point.  I am not one of those women who gained all her weight back, but I am also not 120 pounds.  My body was not designed to weigh only 120 pounds.   On a good day I maintain between 130-135 pounds.   I have a TON of unresolved medical issues going on, but if you have been keeping up with my blog you already know this, so I will spare you the rehashing of the story all over again.  But back to my 2 second 119 pound victory *eye roll*.

Do you want to know what I was eating to get to my 119 pounds?   Broth, rice, and Coke.  That’s it.  I went from 132 pounds to 119 pounds in a few weeks time.   I was sick as a dog, vomiting every 5 seconds, and on death’s door, literally.   Ah, being skinny sure felt awesome.   NOT!!  Again, I will not retell my long drawn out surgical nightmare story as to why I got to that place and why I’m still living in that nightmare.  So moving on… When I was in my prime health and feeling awesome, I weighed 132 pounds, I worked out 4 days a week, and ate 3 meals a day WITH SNACKS!   I ate healthy, but I also didn’t have this unrealistic notion that I would have to give up food to be thin.   You can eat bacon, Nutella, mac & cheese, etc. and still be thin.  The magic answer?  You just have to do it in moderation and not do it every day.   Diets will set you up for failure, lifestyle changes will set you up for success.

I get so aggravated when I see fad diets and crazy unrealistic exercise programs being advertised because in our heads, it has been drilled in that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.  To profit off someone who is clearly vulnerable and who would give anything to be thin, with you knowing full well that there is no magic concoction you are selling makes me mad.   What pisses me off more, is when I see people who have had weight loss surgery peddling diet products without disclosing they have had weight loss surgery.  Try my yummy shakes.   If you buy a 30 day supply, you get a free exercise band and ball.  I did it and look at me now!  Yes, look at you now.   You forgot to mention that you had gastric bypass 5 years ago, plastic surgery after that to remove all your excess skin, workout at a real gym at least 3 days a week, and you use your crap product to maintain not to lose the 200 pounds you claim it’s going to help a person lose.

Have we become that gullible or are these stupid little nothing tastes as good as skinny feels posters getting into your heads?  Do you even know who said nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?  Kate Moss.  That’s right, this motto was coined by a drug addicted, anorexic, waft model.  How does that taste?   I’m sure some of you think she’s hot, she’s gorgeous, I would love to look like her, blah blah, but you are going to have to shoot a lot of heroin, smoke crack, and live on Tic Tacs and diet pop for the rest of your life.   Again, how does that taste?  Better yet, how does that feel?

Kate Moss probably burned away all her taste buds from her many drugs and other vices, which is why she said nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.  She doesn’t know what the hell food is supposed to taste like!!  I’ll take my occasional slice of bacon over her lifestyle any day.

No one wants to be fat, let’s get that straight right now, but we need to learn that healthy and skinny are not one in the same.  People that try to sell you the magic thin potion in a pill, drink, body wrap, or fad exercise program (yes those exist too) don’t have your best interest at heart.  What they have is your hard earned money month after month.    Gastric bypass surgeons who feel the need to tell you that their one type of surgery is better than the next and you will fail with any other type of surgery other than the one they offer….yeah,  they are full of crap too.  If you are considering GB surgery, you as the patient need to do your research and decide what surgery is best for you.  This business about my surgery is better than yours because everyone who had yours gained ALL their weight back is ridiculous.  You want to know why gastric bypass patients gain all their weight back?  And I’m not talking about 20 pounds, I’m talking about 100 pounds or more.  Gastric bypass patients who gain all their weight back do so because they ate it back on.  Let’s be real.   One does not gain over 100 pounds because they are following all the rules.   Gastric bypass is just a tool that one uses to lose weight, it’s not the fix.   ALL types of gastric bypass have the potential to give a person successful weight loss.  Really, it’s just a way to help a person have portion control and get a jump start on losing weight.

So I ask you all again, does nothing really taste as good as skinny feels?

 

Awkward

We all have those moments in life where we sit back and think, well that was awkward.   You know, when you walk up to a friend you haven’t seen in ages, congratulate them on their pregnancy, and realize they are just fat.  Or when you venture into the time suck that is Pinterest and see your friend’s pinboard full of wedding dresses and hair-do’s, congratulate them on their engagement, and realize your friend is still single.   AWKWARD

Certain situations are just awkward, there is no getting around it.  Really, I don’t even know if it’s awkward, maybe uncomfortable is a better word.   Take smelly office coworker.  Have you ever worked in an office with someone who smelled so bad that it made you gag?  I’m not talking about a simple I forgot to put my deodorant on today so I smell bad smell, but I’m talking about the person who probably hasn’t showered in a good 6 months and thinks it’s ok to wear the same pair of underwear over and over and over again even though they have a slight bladder control problem.  Yeah that person.   You think they have to know they smell bad, they just have to, so you never say a word.   You dry heave quietly when he/she walks by, but you go on about your business like everything is normal.  Why?  Why do you we do this?   To spare feelings?  Is it because you think this person has a medical condition that makes them smell bad and if you say something you will just make them feel worse?  Well if that was the case, you would know about it.  Smelly coworker would  be apologizing to you for the offensive smell that a Dr diagnosed, but come on.  You know it’s not a medical condition, it’s poor hygeine.   It’s awkward and uncomfortable to sit down with someone to say, hey you smell like rancid meat on a hot hot day, so we keep our mouths shut.   What if, just what if, smelly coworker really doesn’t realize he/she smells?   Smelly coworker hears from another coworker that B.O. doesn’t really stand for beautiful office and then comes back to you to question why you never said anything about the funky smell.  Awkward.   I guess either way you’re kind of screwed, but if you had a piece of spinach in your teeth wouldn’t you want someone to tell you?  Of course you would.

Ok, so maybe smelly coworker is just a little too much for you to handle, but I think you get the picture.  What do we do though if we find ourselves in those socially awkward situations?  How does one recover from going on and on about what a cute little girl the stranger at a grocery store has only to realize it’s a boy and that the stranger is really your bosses wife?  How do you handle it when your child is going through the penis/vagina/butt blurt outs in public phase or even better, when your child has found themself and I mean FOUND themself….in a church pew?   When you go to dinner at a relatives house and the meal is beyond bad, but you lie and say it was fantastic, so they invite you back next week for more of the same?  I guess until we find the answers we just continue to live red faced, nauseated by bad smells, and have vile tastes in our mouths from bad food.   Things could be worse.  You could be this chick.

 

 

 

What Women REALLY Think Men Think

We have all heard the jokes, read the stories, looked at the funny pictures, etc., of what women think and what men think.  Then we have the whole other world of what we women think you men think.  You want the truth?  Nothing.  We don’t think, we KNOW that you think absolutely nothing.  That or you think about food and/or sex.  We just like to make you believe that’s it’s this big thing and we are all upset and we told you A when really we meant XY and Z and clearly you should have known what we meant and now what are you thinking, you’re thinking about some new hot thing that just started working in your office, why aren’t you talking, you should communicate better…   Yeah, no.  We know full well that no matter what the circumstance, your minds are big giant blank thought bubbles.  We say, as you stare off into space, why are you thinking about that hot chick?  Of course you reply with, what hot chick?  We claim to not believe you knowing full well that as soon as we said “hot chick” your mind went to buffalo wings.  Except we walk around the house pissed for days clinging to some imaginary hot chick.  No we don’t fellas.   You want to know what we just did?   We bought ourselves a nice tasty snack of hot wings (Because after that thought was put in your head you craved them, again no you didn’t, WE DID.  We just made sure that you were on board and drove to get us some.)  We also bought ourselves some flowers, possibly chocolates, hell maybe ever a new outfit or pair of shoes.  See how that works gentlemen?  Those blank thought bubbles are filled with whatever the heck we see fit.

Notice that there is a woman in control

Honey, I need a new pair of shoes.  The heel is coming off this one.    You think, go to the shoe repair and get it fixed, but then quickly realize that’s not the right answer.  So, you either sit silent because you have no idea what the right answer is and you need us to fill your empty thought bubble or you’re smart for a second because this conversation seems vaguely familiar due to our excellent training and you say, you should buy yourself a new pair of shoes.   If you actually paid attention in I have a woman now so I’m in proper man school, you hand over cash or credit to boot.   If you have the balls to utter your original thought, you fail and you’re eventually going to get the right answer because we are going to see fit that you do.

FINE!  *big sigh* I’ll try to find a shoe repair.  Now we know at this stage you know we are pissed, but that your mind instantly went back to being blank because you don’t care and you think that’s the end of it.   BWAHAHAHAHAHA   We go about our business, loudly, move a few things around as we pretend to clean (you sick women really clean, lol), throw some food your way, and then institute the death stare.   You have zero idea why the hell we are looking at you like we want to skin you alive because after all that random crap we just did you truly forgot about our previous shoe convo and start to panic.   We tell you over and over again that nothing is wrong and we are not mad at anything.   This could go on for days if we let it.  Why don’t we just come right out and say what we want?  Well because that would be easy and it’s WAY more fun to screw with you guys.

I dare you to ask your significant other if this is true.   She will deny this and it will start WWIII.  You want to throw her for a loop and get your Master’s Degree today?  Go look in her closet, find out her shoe size and buy her a pair of shoes.  You want to do one even better?  Go look in her closet, find out her clothing size and pay attention to the brand, go to the mall and buy her an outfit.  BUT make sure the outfit is at least one, better off making it two, sizes too small.  Make sure you have a gift receipt.   You know what you just did?  You made her feel skinny and gave her an excuse to go shopping because she has to return what you just bought.  You’re welcome.  ; )

Ladies, don’t worry.  99.9999% of the men didn’t get past the first line.  Your secret is safe.  The men that actually finished this entire blog already know to just hand you their money in the first place.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T Find Out What It Means To Me!

Last night as I sat and watched The State Of The Union address, I could already see the blogs, the websites, the Facebook statuses just rolling in my head.  When you are the President of the United States people either like you or they don’t.  There is no in between.  President Obama could have promised that all Americans would be lottery winners come morning and to the people who already have it made up in their minds to hate the man, it wouldn’t have made a difference.   I understand the hatred of the politics he preaches, but to hate the man himself, I don’t get it.  How is it possible to hate a man you don’t even know?    To say that you KNOW him through the work he does, doesn’t mean you know him at all.  What you know is the job he does or doesn’t do, you don’t know him.

What you know is things you read in print, things you see on TV, things you heard on the radio, and things you are told via hearsay.   Unless you have spent time with Obama on a personal level and by personal, I mean you have known him for years and well before he was President and you can dial his number on the phone and actually get him as the person picking up the phone, you don’t know him.  I repeat, you only know him based on his job.  A job does not define a man.

Imagine you walked up to your boss, called him every name under the sun, told him you thought he was worthless, that his family was worthless, that he was a liar, that he ruined your life, that he had no business even flipping a burger let alone be the boss of you.  Do you think it would be logical for you to expect to have your job in the morning?  No.   Most people who feel this way about their boss, think it in their heads, they don’t dare say it out loud.  So again, I don’t get when I go on FB  and read a million status posts and comments ripping apart Obama as a person, not merely as a President.

Republicans, Democrats, Tea Party, Pajama Party, Tardy For The Party…never going to agree on everything.  So agree to disagree and meet on a logical middle ground.  Stop tearing politics apart and work on putting real solutions together.  It doesn’t matter if Obama wins the upcoming election or not, no matter who sits in the seat as President, there is always going to be people to don’t like the job the President does.  There are always going to be finger pointers and blame gamers, but tell me what that solves?  Sure, you feel better when you get every 4 letter word off your chest and tell em how you really feel, but could you do better?  Could you really do better?  Could you take a country in which the masses loathe you and convince them that what you say is what’s best for them even though they are NEVER going to believe you?  Would you be ok is someone randomly just spit in your face or tried to gun you down because they didn’t like the job you did that day and that day alone?

I don’t care if you like Obama or don’t like him, that’s not what this blog is about.  As the President, the man (and don’t confuse the man with the job) has earned the right to receive some level of respect.  What does it teach your children to hear you spew hatred regarding the man?   Don’t you think it would be beneficial to show your children that while you disagree with his politics, don’t really like the job he’s done thus far, etc.,  that there is always the possibility for change and that you have hope for their future?  Wait, here’s the part where I get told that you have no hope, he’s screwed up the country for life, there’s no getting out of it, he should be impeached, blah blah blah…..SHUT UP!  You don’t even know if I agree with you, so don’t try to tell me what you think I need to know about Obama.  I watch the same news you do, I read the same papers you do, we may even share some friends, hell, my husband and I are believers of two different political agendas but we are still married.  What I’m telling you is to show the man some respect.  He’s earned it.   Whether you voted for him or not, he’s earned it.  You would want the same respect.    Unless you think you could actually bring to reality the 15 million things you KNOW you could do better, sit down, take a breath, relax, and realize that you can’t.  Be a better American, be a better human being, put politics aside, and respect the fact that the man sits in a position where he has millions of other “you’s” yelling and screaming at him day in and day out just as you do.  Ask yourself what kind of job you think you could do with the weight of a nation literally breathing down your neck and attacking you as a person for no other reason than your job description.  You don’t need to respect his politics, but you do need to respect him as a human being.

Surviving Caffeine Withdrawal

I’m back from The Cleveland Clinic and I have no real answers to speak of.  I’m going to bite my tongue and not give my final opinion just yet, but let’s just say I was less than impressed.  The staff was nice, but that’s as far as I’m going right now.

One of the things that the Dr was adamant about was that I give up caffeine.  Are you kidding me!!!!!   Give up caffeine?  Why don’t you just cut off a leg or an arm.  Alright alright, I realize that in the grand scheme of things, giving up caffeine is a drop in the bucket, but you are forgetting one very important thing in all of this.  Caffeine withdrawal.   I have been a migraine sufferer for years and taking away my caffeine with no warning is much like getting hot fire pokers in the eyes.  Yeah, it’s painful.  Throw some screaming children into the mix and it’s like pouring battery acid on an open wound.  Yeah, it’s REALLY painful.   The Dr also took away my right to eat any and all dairy products.  So now, I cannot even drown my sorrows in a bowl of ice cream.   And as a side note, trying to find products without dairy in them is like a where’s Waldo mystery.  Seriously, my Morning Star Farms veggie bacon has milk in it.  Um, **scratches head**, really?  But I’ll get to the vile tasting products I’ve encountered later, back to the no caffeine.

When I was going through in-vitro, I cut myself off caffeine.  I was one of those neurotic Nelly’s that wasn’t taking anything while pregnant, not even Tylenol.  Having been through caffeine withdrawal twice, I knew that when this Dr said no caffeine, I was going to want to die.  It’s been 4 days now and I still have the mother of all migraines.  Did I mention he also took away my ability to take Motrin and Excedrin?  ***sobs heard round the world***  LOL   Now I don’t know what this Dr. thinks is going to be accomplished with such foolishness, but I’ve tried everything else under the sun to get my stomach distention fixed, so I’m willing to try this.  If it works, he can give me a big I told you so.   In the meantime, I need to function.  How do I that?  No really, how do I do that?   Oh you thought this blog was going to be me telling you there was some miracle way to get through caffeine withdrawal.  My bad.  ; )

Booze, not it.  I have to be a responsible parent.  Besides, the amount of alcohol it would take to get rid of this migraine would only create a new migraine in the morning.  Next

A hot shower.  Tried it.  Next

Chocolate.  Nope can’t have that.  It has caffeine and dairy.  So I tried to make vegan Nutella because I saw some recipe on Pinterest and thought it was going to be my savior.  Not even.  Let this be a lesson to you that there is no such thing as vegan Nutella.   I should have known after the black bean brownie debacle.  Equally nauseating.

Tea.  Ok, that’s like telling someone to eat a banana when they want an apple.  Just because tea and coffee happen to be two hot liquids, doesn’t mean they are on the same planet.  While I drank coffee for the caffeine, I happened to like the taste.   So until you can turn that tea into coffee, I don’t want it.

Migraine meds.  Tried them all.  Ok, maybe not them all, but some.  So far, none have worked.  Most recently my Dr had me on Topamax aka dopamax.   That rendered me a drooling mess.  Literally, I think I drooled a few times on it.  Not to mention I couldn’t spell simple words like bicycle and I couldn’t remember my daughter’s name.  Let’s not even talk about the tingling sensation you get while on it.

So, all you home remedy geniuses and the I’ve got the cure for sure people, give it your best shot.   Tell me how you rid yourself of migraines.   If it works, you get a gold star.  You thought I was going to say a prize?  I don’t have sponsors for my blog or any advertisements.  Check back in 6 months.  Maybe this blog will have blown up by then and you can be the person credited with getting rid of my migraine.  Sound better?  LOL