We have all heard the jokes, read the stories, looked at the funny pictures, etc., of what women think and what men think. Then we have the whole other world of what we women think you men think. You want the truth? Nothing. We don’t think, we KNOW that you think absolutely nothing. That or you think about food and/or sex. We just like to make you believe that’s it’s this big thing and we are all upset and we told you A when really we meant XY and Z and clearly you should have known what we meant and now what are you thinking, you’re thinking about some new hot thing that just started working in your office, why aren’t you talking, you should communicate better… Yeah, no. We know full well that no matter what the circumstance, your minds are big giant blank thought bubbles. We say, as you stare off into space, why are you thinking about that hot chick? Of course you reply with, what hot chick? We claim to not believe you knowing full well that as soon as we said “hot chick” your mind went to buffalo wings. Except we walk around the house pissed for days clinging to some imaginary hot chick. No we don’t fellas. You want to know what we just did? We bought ourselves a nice tasty snack of hot wings (Because after that thought was put in your head you craved them, again no you didn’t, WE DID. We just made sure that you were on board and drove to get us some.) We also bought ourselves some flowers, possibly chocolates, hell maybe ever a new outfit or pair of shoes. See how that works gentlemen? Those blank thought bubbles are filled with whatever the heck we see fit.
Honey, I need a new pair of shoes. The heel is coming off this one. You think, go to the shoe repair and get it fixed, but then quickly realize that’s not the right answer. So, you either sit silent because you have no idea what the right answer is and you need us to fill your empty thought bubble or you’re smart for a second because this conversation seems vaguely familiar due to our excellent training and you say, you should buy yourself a new pair of shoes. If you actually paid attention in I have a woman now so I’m in proper man school, you hand over cash or credit to boot. If you have the balls to utter your original thought, you fail and you’re eventually going to get the right answer because we are going to see fit that you do.
FINE! *big sigh* I’ll try to find a shoe repair. Now we know at this stage you know we are pissed, but that your mind instantly went back to being blank because you don’t care and you think that’s the end of it. BWAHAHAHAHAHA We go about our business, loudly, move a few things around as we pretend to clean (you sick women really clean, lol), throw some food your way, and then institute the death stare. You have zero idea why the hell we are looking at you like we want to skin you alive because after all that random crap we just did you truly forgot about our previous shoe convo and start to panic. We tell you over and over again that nothing is wrong and we are not mad at anything. This could go on for days if we let it. Why don’t we just come right out and say what we want? Well because that would be easy and it’s WAY more fun to screw with you guys.
I dare you to ask your significant other if this is true. She will deny this and it will start WWIII. You want to throw her for a loop and get your Master’s Degree today? Go look in her closet, find out her shoe size and buy her a pair of shoes. You want to do one even better? Go look in her closet, find out her clothing size and pay attention to the brand, go to the mall and buy her an outfit. BUT make sure the outfit is at least one, better off making it two, sizes too small. Make sure you have a gift receipt. You know what you just did? You made her feel skinny and gave her an excuse to go shopping because she has to return what you just bought. You’re welcome. ; )
Ladies, don’t worry. 99.9999% of the men didn’t get past the first line. Your secret is safe. The men that actually finished this entire blog already know to just hand you their money in the first place.