Chuck Chuck Bo Buck Banana Fanana Fo…

Show of hands, who remembers singing The Name Game and then getting to the one kid named Chuck and then laughing your head off when you finished the song?  Congrats, if you remember, you are probably at least as old as I am!  ; )  It’s not Chuck’s fault his name is Chuck, it’s his parents fault.  Blame them.  Picking a baby name is big business.   People will go to great lengths to find THE name.  Websites, polls, name experts, list after countless list…..I think you get the picture.  Others will use family names.  Some I think blindfold themselves and point and pick in a baby name book.  Some I think use their food cravings during pregnancy to pick names….Hey Cheeto, how’s it going today?   And then we have that rare breed called the Celebrity.    They are in a category all their own.

Is it their celeb status that causes them to give a big eff you to the world when naming their kids?  Is it a long standing bet they all have going within the celebrity circle to give the most outlandish names to their kids?  Or is it a giant conspiracy amongst the general public to release a horrid, no doubt, made up name to keep you talking about them, but really putting something totally normal on the birth certificate as the kids legal name.  Yeah, you didn’t think about that one did you!  ; )  Whatever the reasoning behind choosing a name, parents please, you hold your child’s well-being on the tip of your tongue.  I don’t care that you can fart out $20’s and wipe with $50’s, you’re setting your kid up to be tortured.

My dad is Michael Jackson……yeah, your name is still Blanket, come here so I can punch you in the face for being named Blanket.

Let’s list off some of the more off the wall celebrity baby names shall we

Pilot Inspektor

Fifi Trixibell

Audio Science

Sage Moonblood


Moxie CrimeFighter

Moon Unit (although I do expect such a name coming from Frank Zappa, you’re excused)

And how can we forget the most recent Blue Ivy Carter, the daughter of Beyonce and Jay-Z.   Doesn’t sound so bad when you look at the above names does it?   I don’t know, naming your child is such a personal thing and we all have our own reasons for naming our kids what we do, but honestly, if you know that the world is watching and is going to be talking about you and your kid(s) regardless, do the kid a solid and name them something normal.  You never know when your fame and fortune will dry up and your kid will no longer be able to sleep in a gold dusted crib or say my mommy or daddy is so and so…   Your kid may even one day have to get a real JOB!  *gasp*  So, don’t name your kids after record albums, songs you wrote, movies you wish you never acted in, strippers you hooked up with, bottles of booze you drank that one night when the child was conceived, foods you LOVE, inanimate objects, ficticious superheros, random voweless letters and symbols, Countries and States, planets, places (and by places I mean actual places like kitchen, bathroom, garage, playground, etc.), and finally moods.   Forgive me if I missed a category.

I got a ton of flack and hairy eyeballs for naming my daughter Dylan.  I don’t really care.  I named her before she was born and became attached to this name for her while she was barely a twinkle in my eye.   So I sort of get when celebs turn up their noses to people who make comments about their kids names, but Dylan is a far cry from Diva Thin Muffin (sorry Frank, I cannot forgive you for that one….HORRID).

So choose wisely parents.  Kids have enough garbage they will have to go through as kids.   Don’t toss a wretched name on their plates too!    Especially if you have a jacked up last name.    Says the woman who has a normal first name (thank god) who grew up with the last name of a female, lady town, body part.  People still call me Buster at age 33.  The end.  : )




2 responses to “Chuck Chuck Bo Buck Banana Fanana Fo…

  1. I googled Diva Thin Muffin because I thought you couldn’t be serious and found this. You left off a lot of ‘names’ from your effed up list. Oy!

  2. LOL brffffffffffffsjjjjjjzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz pronounced Chuck.

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