Things You Should Never Ask Your Children Or Spouse

What do you want for dinner?   I have been asking this question for YEARS and the response is always the same.  “I don’t know”  “I don’t care” “Whatever”  “You Decide”   Well obviously I’m going to decide if you don’t, but just once maybe I would like to hear a dish or a type of food you are leaning towards just so I can have a decision free night.  I don’t even dare ask my 3 kids this question because at their age I would get answers like cake, chocolate, noodles.  Wait, that may not be so bad.

So I say to my husband last night, “do you want some oatmeal for dinner tomorrow?” and he says, “NO!!”   Well, I guess that means you actually care what you want for dinner.  I should be making oatmeal for dinner tonight out of spite, but I won’t.  I think his lack of response in my requests for what I should make for dinner is payback.  Payback for all those times as a kid that I told my own parents, “I don’t care, I don’t know, whatever….” when they would ask what I would want for dinner.   Sorry Mom and Dad, I get it now.

But then my loving husband tries to tell me that if I had a restaurant, that he wouldn’t tell the chef what to make.  Well actually, you would be telling the chef what to make when you order off a MENU!!  So now I’m supposed to not only come up with the final decision making meal, but I’m supposed to present to you a menu for you to choose from?  Are you kidding me?  We have 3 kids, does this mean that I also need a kids menu too?  I know the menu should read something like, here’s your one choice, order it, eat it and love it, shut up about it, but that’s not me.  *sigh*   I took out ground sirloin for tonight.  I’ll be on Pinterest for the rest of the day trying to find something off the wall to make with this.

Another question that should NEVER come out of your mouth for either your spouse or your children is “What are you doing?”   Unless you are prepared to drop whatever it is you are doing, just don’t ask this.   You know what they are doing is not good so why are you bothering?  And we have different degrees of what they are doing too.  Examples:

The dead silence from the playroom what are you doing:  Dead silence means trouble.  This doesn’t mean they are playing nice, it means they are up to no good.  Like when I heard dead silence and asked the kids what they were doing and they had drawn over every surface with crayon in the babies room.  They are evil little geniuses because when they couldn’t reach something, they pulled out their chairs to stand on them to color higher.  Not high enough, they climbed the table and stood on that.  I kid you not.  We now need to paint the entire room.

Moving on to the bloody murderous screams coming from the playroom what are you doing?  Killing one another, that’s what they are doing.  Ok, I realize that I kind of have to ask what they are doing when I hear THOSE screams, but not really.  I should just save myself a step and just go break up the massacre, but yet I always ask what are you doing.   “Nothing mom……just playing in the bouncy castle and using Maryn as a step stool”  For the record, the bouncy castle is what the kids have dubbed Maryn’s crib for when they sneak into it and jump all around.

I think you can all see why this is a bad idea to ask kids what they are doing so why on earth would I keep going and ask my husband?  *Smacks head*  Silence from the basement when the husband is down there, is much like the silence from the playroom.  After all, the basement is his playroom.  “What are you doing down there?”   “Oh nothing…..just trying to organize things”  Just so you all know, “organize things” would mean move one box from one corner to another, make 25 piles of random crap, find something from long past and halt the process for 30 minutes while you reminisce, causing him to lose thought process of why he was down the basement in the first place, and make 25 more piles of random crap trying to figure it out.  Yep, that’s “organizing”.

A logical next step (well really logical would be to go lock myself in a quiet room, but logic and reason goes out the window with children and spouses) after asking what are you doing would be to ask, “why did you do that?”   No, more like, why did I ask that?  They ALL know why they do things…’s because they CAN.  There is no rhyme or reason to what anyone in this house does, but one thing is certain, they do things because they just can or because they wanted to.

Why did you feed your sister poop?  I wanted to see if she liked it.

Why did you throw out a knife Jim?  I did no such thing, I bet it’s in the basement….wait, I’ll go look.  6 months later…….  *note*  Jim throws out EVERYTHING!  He has thrown out plates, knives, and many other things that don’t belong in the garbage.  He will deny this until his death.

Why didn’t you tell me that you had to go to the bathroom when I just changed you 5 minutes ago?  Because I didn’t have to go then.

Why are you screaming?  I want to be able to hear myself!

Now as I’m sitting here, trying to write this blog, my husband calls to bitch to me about the cheap twine HE bought to tie the christmas tree up with to haul it to the recycling place.  After he’s done bitching he asked if the kids are awake.  Nope, they are all still sleeping.  “Sleeping!?…..You should be enjoying a nice steaming cup of coffee and be in a quiet place.”  I should huh.  Is this before or after I listen to your nonsense about cheap twine and how the next time we are near a decent hardware store you need to buy some twine.  And really, I’m going with user error.  I don’t think it was the dollar store twine, I think it was the person tying the twine that made it suck so bad which caused the tree to fall off 3 times (yep, I’m still laughing at you and so are the people who were driving behind you).   I’m hanging up now.

I’m off to Pinterest for dinner before the kids wake up.  Which will probably be in about 2 seconds since the dog has decided that he wants to act like a race horse jumping hurdles this morning.  Floyd!!!!!!!!

P.S.  My coffee is luke warm at this point.





3 responses to “Things You Should Never Ask Your Children Or Spouse

  1. I think the menu is a great idea.Make out a weekly menu to chose from. That will make it so easy for Jim and you.

  2. Are you nuts? You’re missing the point. He wants a nightly menu of different choices, not a weekly menu of the same 25 things. I’m not making a menu. If I do, he needs to pay me $40 a plate. Yes readers, that would be my own mother siding with my husband trying to make more work for me.

  3. Keep up the wonderful work, I read few content on this website and I conceive that your weblog is rattling interesting and holds circles of wonderful info.

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