Parental Guidance

Do I have a sign on my forehead that reads give me unsolicited advice?  Apparently I do and apparently EVERYONE is an expert when it comes to my own children.  Especially those who are not even parents.  When you have children, logic, reason, and everything you knew to be true goes flying out the window.  There are no handbooks, no cheat guides, no instruction manuals that come with the baby.  The only thing you have to go on is gut instinct and maybe just a little bit of luck.

I always have to chuckle a bit when I hear people talk about what they will do when they have kids.  “I’m NEVER going to let them watch TV”  “I’m going to spank my kid”  “I’m not giving them vaccinations because, well just because!” “Circumcision is cruel and I’m not doing it”   The truth is one does not know what he/she will do until in that very moment in time.  They can profess things they will or will not do all day long, but until the situation is actually staring them dead in the face, one cannot speak of hypotheticals.  So when a person, who has no experience in raising children tries to tell me that I’m doing it wrong, hell even when a person who has experience tries to tell me that I’m doing it wrong, it makes my blood boil.

There are people in this world who do not deserve to be parents.  They destroy their children by hurtful words/actions, they display neglect, outright abuse, etc.  I am NOT one of those people.  I would take a bullet for my children and with every day, I do what I feel is best for them and by them, as their mother.  You may not agree with everything that I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong, it means I’m not doing something the way you would.

Just the other day I had the breastfeeding police trying to imply to my husband that not only was I a bad mother because I didn’t breastfeed, but that I was merely lazy because EVERY woman can breastfeed.   Stranger lady, I got some news for you so pay close attention.   NOT EVERYONE CAN BREASTFEED!!!!!!    Did you hear me?  Let me repeat myself so we are crystal clear.  NOT EVERYONE CAN BREASTFEED!!!!!!    Show of hands, who in heck would choose to pay for formula when breast milk is free?  No one.  Contrary to your belief, I was unable to BF.   About 11 years ago I had the duodenal switch gastric bypass procedure.   It is one of the most malabsorptive procedures out there.  Never when choosing this surgery did I ever think I wouldn’t be able to BF, but life (and my body) had other plans for me.  I happen to be in a chronic state of malnutrition and vitamin deficiency.   But I suppose you are going to tell me that it was my choice to have such a surgery and that if-not-but-for…yeah SHUT UP!  I probably would have been worse off carrying a child at my starting weight.  But back to my boobs since you seem to be so interested in them.

I bought a hospital grade breast pump, had multiple visits with lactation consultants, took every vitamin/supplement/herb that I could get my hands on, drank till I was peeing every 2 seconds, ate healthy, etc, but I never produced enough milk.  Having to succumb to feeding my twins formula was devastating to me.   I cried for weeks.   When my youngest daughter was born 15 months later, I tried to give it another go, but not even my colostrum came in.  Not one drop, nothing.  Again, I was completely destroyed.  I wasn’t able to do what should have come naturally.  What would have been worse, starving my kids because I wasn’t producing milk or feeding them formula?  According to you it was formula feeding.   Yes, better I starve my children.  I don’t think so lady.  I don’t throw in your face that you’re a complete and utter tool and moron, so why throw in my face that I didn’t BF?   You seem to think I had some choice in the matter, when I didn’t.  You on the other hand may still have time to not live the rest of your life as a total uneducated douche.  So take your 2 cents back and here’s an extra quarter so that you can go buy a clue.

Raising children is stressful enough without the little unwanted voices of those around us.  Hopefully, if I (and my husband, he’s included in this roller coaster ride too) do my job right, my children will grow up and be able to stand on their own two feet without holding on to a thing.  There will be laughter and tears along the way, I’m sure.  Unless you’re psychic and can foresee something that I can’t, step off my front porch, put your filter back on because you seem to have nothing but verbal diarrhea coming out of your mouth, and go bother someone else.   So far, I seem to be doing just fine without you.  Do check back in about 20 years though to see how I did.  Just call first because I loathe pop-ins.

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