O Holy Night Of Passion?

Were do I even begin with this blog post?   Well, let’s start a few hours before midnight mass.   At around 9 pm my husband decides to finally start bathing the kids (toddlers mind you) to get them ready for church.  We had been running a few last minute errands on Christmas Eve and when we returned home, I had to start in the kitchen (and oh what a meal it was!!!!).  I think my husband was in the basement twiddling his thumbs or something, but I’m sure he has a different version of what he was doing.  Love you honey!

So the bathing of the dirty begins and at some point my husband decides to have a mini nervous breakdown when he realizes that we are going to be late if he doesn’t step it up.  I am cool and calm, while my husband is having a 3 year olds tantrum?  Huhwha?  So as he’s screaming, biting the heads off the people in his path, and screaming some more, I’m trying to calm him down by letting him know that we could show up in ripped sweat pants and wife beaters and it wouldn’t matter.  Every year I see at least 10 people in jeans and always women in totally inappropriate, way to tight and too short (if I can see your pockets or va jay jay, yeah it’s TOO SHORT) clothing.   It’s not about what you wear at mass, especially midnight mass, it’s about dear baby eight pound six ounce Jesus.  ; )  At that point, he wasn’t hearing a word I was saying, but he would learn and his lesson would be coming soon.

After the getting ready fiasco, we arrived at church with about 3 minutes to spare before mass began.  This meant we had to sit in the back in the family center and not in the main portion of the church.  Again, didn’t matter.  It’s not about where you sit or what you wear, it’s that we showed up.  Still a little miffed, my husband was forced to look me in the face, during mass, and say, “you were right”!  Honey, it took you this long to realize that I’m always right even when I’m wrong?  No?  There was no realization and bright bulb?  Oh it was the HOOKERS in church that did it for you, my bad.   That’s right, there we sat, dressed to the nines and in walks not one, but two little ladies of the night.  How do I know?  They had their business cards hanging out of their shirts, I mean dresses.  Ladies, you want to be strippers, hookers, whatever, that’s your business, but do the world and me a favor and make sure if your cooch is hanging out that you at least do some landscaping, but thanks for helping me teach my husband a lesson.   And in walked the 10 people in jeans behind them (more like 20, but who’s counting).  But back to the hookers…

Did you forget that you were going to church?  I mean you took the time to style your hair (well most of it *snicker*), but you couldn’t take 3 more seconds to throw on a skirt to cover up your vagina, really?  Clearly, you’re a hooker and not a very good one because you don’t make enough money to buy yourself a decent church outfit.  I also say hooker, because if you were a stripper you would have been in better shape from dancing up and down a pole (pun TOTALLY intended).  Kudos to you though for luring in the cop with a drug sniffing dog to enjoy mass along with us.  I couldn’t make this crap up even if I tried!    I know I shouldn’t judge being Catholic and all and it’s not a very Christian thing of me to do, but these are the moments I suddenly revert back to my Jewish roots and give stink eye and talk about you.  LOL  ; )     And as a side question, or maybe it’s more of an observation, how is it that people sometimes say, “don’t judge others…certain things should be left unsaid…I cannot believe the things people say….blah blah blah, yada yada yada….”, but don’t consider that judging others?   Hello!  Are you being the pot or the kettle when you tell someone not to judge someone else?  Oxymoron much?  At any rate…

Thanks hooker lady for teaching my husband the true meaning of Christmas and it being a free lesson no less.  It’s a Christmas Miracle!    Tomorrow I’ll tell you all about how some snagasaurus sloth mega snatch mall employee tried to call me bitchy behind my back and think she was going to get away with it, but even better still, think I was going to give her my $300 worth of business.  HELL TO THE NO!   Another story for another day.

 

 

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