I Have A Migraine!

Do you have those friends or family members, hell even strangers, that when you say you have a cold, they respond with having your disease plus one or two others?  Or they just take it a step further and say that their neighbors cousin down the street has your disease plus one.   Since when did having an illness become a competition?   If this is going to be the case, and generally 99% of the time when you post on FB it’s going to be a game of disease wars, I think prizes should be awarded.   Examples….ah yes…..examples!

I have a migraine.   Now I get migraines all the time and they are BAD.  Which is why I think Michele Bachmann is a loon and a liar if she has the gall to say that if she were to get a migraine it wouldn’t affect how she ran the country.  Oh hell yes it would lady!  Migraines have me wanting to push the red button that would end the damn world.  Come on now!  But that’s another issue for another day.  Anywho… I have tried every script and OTC painkiller under the sun (ok, maybe not EVERY drug, but a lot) and I have yet to find that one drug that makes the world right.  So you migraine sufferers of the world know what I mean when I say, I have a migraine.   So when a person says, “I have a migraine”, and some jackamole wants to try to one up that with something like, “I have a migraine too AND a bad case of gas”…..that one upper should be locked in a small room all day to marinate in their own smell, while the other person who was just trying to get a simple “feel better” should win a prize of IV Ambien (Does this even exist?  If it doesn’t it should!).  That way they go to sleep to be able to drown out the one upper and they get a double bonus for not having to feel the throb of the migraine.    But migraines would be like a warm up round in the world of my disease is more prominent than your disease game.   So let’s just jump right in to the deep end and go with something like needing emergency surgery because your appendix burst.

Now I was lucky enough to have my appendix out many years ago (non emergent, they automatically took it out when I had my gastric bypass….GB is weight loss surgery for those not in the know) so I never had this scenario play out, but you can bet your bippy if I did, someone would have gotten a hairy eyeball and a boot upside the head for trying to one up an emergency surgery!  But these people do exist and I have seen it with my own eyes on friends FB status posts.   “OMG, Please pray for my sister.  She was rushed to the ER because her appendix burst”   Now after a post like that you would expect to see things like, thoughts and prayers, I wish your sister well, hope she’s going to be ok, keep us posted.  Right?   There always ALWAYS has to be that one (more like 4 after they see the first person do it, so they think that’s the green light to name more illnesses) person who wants to be oblivious and say something like, “oh no, I had that happen to me 10 years ago, she’ll be fine, pray for me too because I have a weird rash”.   Really?  You have a weird rash really?   You know why you have a weird rash?    It’s because you have the nerve to post something like that, publicly no less, and totally deserve whatever crabs or herps you contracted.   GTFO!   Weird rash!    Weird rash person wins the weird rash with no cream to take care of it and the person with the burst appendix gets a clean bill of health, lots of flowers and matzo ball soup (I told you I’m Jewish, it’s a given that we shove matzo ball soup down throats to deal with any ailment), and a lottery ticket that’s worth $5000 that they just happened to find on the street leaving the hospital.  : )

I think you all get my point.  The next time you have someone tell you they are sick or have had something bad happen to them, remember, IT’S NOT A COMPETITION!!!!   But if you consistently want to turn it into one, the only thing you are going to win is your 15 diseases (that you probably don’t even have) and a bunch of stink eye.

 

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One response to “I Have A Migraine!

  1. I view something truly interesting about your weblog so I saved to my bookmarks .

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